Bustednuckles,The Early Years

A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door. It is opened
by a little ten year-old boy who has a lighted cigar in one hand, a glass
of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm.

Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home?"

Little boy: "What the fuck do you think?"

It's actually closer than you think.
I started smoking and was drinking straight whiskey out of my Old Man's jug once in a while.
I would steal his beer and his dirty magazines too.
At ten.