My husband is not invited to my niece's wedding.
Dear Prudence, I am one of four siblings, all in their late 50's/early 60's. I am a gay man who legally married my partner of 28 years earlier this year. Two of my sisters are lesbians with one married to her long time partner as well. The remaining sister, the youngest, is married with five children and is a devout Catholic. Her daughter is getting married soon and the invitation arrived the other day, addressed only to me. My other married sister's invitation was addressed only to her. I don't know what to do.
My dearest Nancy Boy,
"The Prude" called in sick today so I am being forced against my will to respond to stupid questions like yours today.
After some lengthy pondering and ball scratching, I think I have the perfect answer to your question.
The first thing you need to do is get with your other sisters, The Dykes and charter a bus.
Then you should get in your address book and invite about twenty of your most flamboyant friends to a party.
You know, the really loud and obnoxious ones.
Have your Dyke sisters get a hold of the meanest and ugliest Bull dykes they know and do the same.
Find two goats.
You might also consider hiring a professional to videotape everything.
Then on the appointed day, gather all of your fellow traveler's at the nearest Gay bar and start drinking tequila shots about two hours before the ceremony is scheduled to start.
Get good and sloppy drunk but make sure none of your Nancy Boy friends decides to get overly emotional and start causing a scene, yet.
Get everyone on the bus, don't forget the goats and go to the wedding chapel.
About three minutes after the ceremony starts, crash the wedding.Turn all of your sloppy drunk gay friends and the goats loose on the unexpecting guests.
Stagger up directly behind the bride and groom with your "husband",turn around and flip off your straight sister and her husband and then kneel down in front of your "husband" and proceed to go down on him in right in front of that tight assed bitch.
Make sure the video recording guy gets all this, especially when the police arrive to break up the ensuing riot.
Trust me,this should send her an unmistakable message she will never forget.
P.S., Send me a copy of that tape, I'm thinking there are some people who would pay money to see that.