Saturday, December 7, 2013

So It Begins Again

Fuck me with a nuclear powered jack hammer, it's Christmas Season again already.

Aggravating bullshit seems like it just went away last week.

My wife, God love her, lives for this time of year, I kid you not.

She starts buying Christmas presents in April for fucks sake.

She loves the baking and the company and the lights, and the decorations, loves the motherfucking tree and all of that irritating shit. She even has tinsel wrapped around the stem of my fucking reading lamp.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I hate the Christmas nightmare with a white hot passion.

For me it is one long endless fucking To Do List.

Mind you, this is just my perspective, as I said, my wife loves this crap and spends her entire day cleaning and baking and planning and decorating and does it all mostly on her own because I refuse to fuck with any of it unless it is something she can't do by herself.

Like fix the fucking never ending strings of Christmas lights.

I lost count of how many God Damn extension cords that are snaking out from under the garage door.
Some of the sonsabitches wrap around from the front of the house, around the whole side and clear to the back fucking porch.

My question at this point is,
Who in the hell puts Christmas lights on the back of their house?

Not a fucking soul could see ours because there is a forest behind our house, we live on a hill and there isn't a house or apartment building behind us for three fucking blocks!!

But no, we gotta have the fucking lights on the back porch in case some fucking idiot wants to go outside in twenty degree weather to have a smoke.

This is why I refuse to get involved in this horseshit.

Today was the big day though.
Gotta get my sorry ass up on my only fucking day off and take the family out to breakfast so we can go get "The Tree"!

Lord have mercy on my soul, I am going to Hell because I could give a rats ass about a fucking Christmas tree.

They are a huge pain in the ass.

Thank God she got a small one this year that didn't take an entire crew to get in the house and into the fucking stand.

You know what's coming next though, gotta decorate that bitch.

These are the times that I really miss not drinking anymore.
I could be sitting on my ass in a nice warm bar sipping whiskey and chasing it with beer and not giving a single fuck about a Christmas Tree.


Time to buck up and take it like a man though.

This pretty much sums up my feelings on the whole matter perfectly;


  1. I'm right there with you. My lovely wife loves Christmas. For me it's a time a time of hassle, problems, wealth destruction. Also lost someone I was close to this time of year.

    This year she's agreed to travel with me, so Christmas is pretty low key. I'm loving it, but quietly.

  2. I was thinking I was the only one with that problem. Maybe we should really get into it and see what happens.

    1. Dude, you better watch it, I could put a punch in your Man Card for even suggesting it. ;)

  3. I swear you're me with a wrench!!!

  4. Shit, I just remembered I need to go out to acquire a tree so the wife can decorate it. God forbid she let me do it and that is okay with me.


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