Saturday, April 15, 2017

The Wifely Unit Is Mad At Me Again, My Day Is Complete Now

Heh, you would think she knows me by now.

The yard maintenance has become an issue, the kid has more important things to do.
He has a job at a pizza joint as an assistant manager so they are yanking him around and making him put in a bunch of hours.
Gee, that sounds awful familiar, I had 41 hours in before I even pulled into the parking lot at work Friday.

So I mowed the lawn last weekend for the first time this year.
Thought I was gonna have a fucking heart attack before I was done.
Jesus Christ.

I had to stop several times and take a break to catch my wind, I ain't no Spring chicken anymore.
It was definitely Leg Day that day.

I told her after I came in and collapsed that if it was going to be left up to me to do that shit that there was a fucking riding lawnmower in our future.
Oh Hell no she says, the lawn isn't big enough, we don't have anyplace to put it and on and on and on.

While I was at it, I told her that the lawn needed edging on one side and that it was highlighted in our rental lease that we keep up on that shit.
I also made sure and mentioned that I wanted a new Weed Eater.
The POS I bought at Harbor Freight was exactly that, a Piece Of Shit.

You cant buy replacement spools for the fucking thing ANYWHERE. especially Harbor Fucking Freight.
That was the FIRST place I looked.

I tried buying some whiz bang "Universal" type gizmo for it and there weren't no love there either.
The fucking thing has a 3/16's shaft with LEFT HAND THREADS on it and nothing comes even close.

So earlier today I happened to notice that there was an extremely rare over abundance of money in my bank account.
After checking to make sure there wasn't a bunch of fucking bills to pay and it was absolutely gorgeous outside, I told her I was going up and getting a new Weed Eater.

I somehow neglected to mention that I wasn't fucking around this time either.

I get in the Sprite and fired that little bitch up and off to Home Depot we go.

I have to say they had quite the impressive selection of Weed Whackers at that place, Holy Fuck.

Electric, battery powered, gas engines, two stroke and something I had never seen before.

More specifically,this,

A four stroke weed eater that has detachable heads for different jobs.

It wasn't cheap.
The Edger attachment was another $90.

More Hmm.
I looked around some more.

Fuck the electric ones, I absolutely DETEST dragging extension cords around.

The battery powered ones had my attention for about two nanoseconds too after I looked a little closer.
Yet another battery charger to fuck with and I didn't even bother to look at what they wanted for an extra 40 volt Lithium battery.
You could buy a damn weed eater for that much I'm sure.

I wanted a gas powered motherfucker, I was pretty much set on that.
Two strokes on the other hand, also have their own issues and dollars to donuts the kid would get his grubby little mitts on it when I wasn't looking and put straight gas in the fucker.
Seized up two strokes don't even make good boat anchors and are worth about a nickel.

Fuck it I says as I snagged the Ryobi.
Double Fuck it I says as I snagged the fucking edger attachment too.

If I'm going to have to be the one to do this fucking shit then I am damn well going to get what the fuck I want to make it easier.
Damn near $300 by the time you add some extra string and a little gas can. Plus tax, of course.

Even my butthole puckered up at that.

Fuck it anyways.

I threw that shit in the Sprite, stopped and got some gas and came home to put it all together.First was to put the oil in the tiny little crankcase.
It wasn't too bad to put everything together and the damn thing started on the second pull!

I let it idle for about twenty seconds, put the edger thingy on it, went out front and fired that little bitch up.
Full throttle and the shit started flying!

Damn thing worked like a charm.
I got the edging done after I finally found the edge of the sidewalk and then put the weed eater on it and went to town.
After a bit I came in to eat and by way of small talk I mentioned how nice the thing worked.

That's when she asked me how much it cost

It may be a while before she cools off this time I think.

She has only ever said what she said to me one other time, another instance of getting something I wanted without giving a fuck what it cost a few years ago.

"Don't you ever do that again"

Those are, I'm so fucking mad right now I don't know what to say at the moment but you are in deep shit now you little sonofabitch kind of words.
You will pay for your insolence at a later date of my choosing and you will pay big kinda mad.

The lawn looks nice though, even if I have to say so myself.

Heh Heh Hehhhh.

That reminds me,

I wonder if there are any decent riding mowers on Craigslist around here..........


drjim said...


And in fact, mine's all pissed off at me right now.

Oh, well.....

Practical Parsimony said...

I think as we get older, spending money not to have a heart attack is money well spent. For the first time ever, I had a woman mow my lawn. Men never mow my yard high. They want to scalp it. Consequently, the grass dies and weeds thrive. She actually mowed up to fences, the house and other things instead of saying she could not get the mower that close! AND, she dumped the leaves from the bag where I told her instead of dumping them elsewhere and telling me why what she did was better.

Well, my friend who can no longer mow did a good job, just wasted his energy pulling the lawn mower over just mowed grass instead of backing over high grass. That man mowed my yard twice every time he mowed it. But, his knees and hips, not mine.

I cannot afford the items you bought, but they beat the weedeaters I have and have had. Maybe when she sees it keeps you from aching and moaning, she will not be so angry.

deborah harvey said...

thought about hiring some kid to cut the lawn?

idahobob said...

They are NEVER happy with what we decide to do.


Sixbears said...

Hey, I mentioned to my Lovely wife that I'm looking at a motor scooter to hang on the back of the camper van. She didn't even blink. Already restoring an old motorcycle, but it's too heavy to carry on the back.

Spud said...

For years my wife actually told me to buy a riding mower, but always I was too cheap...
Needless to say, after the bitch in the car hit me and broke half the bones in my
body . Decided it was time for a rider. Boy am I glad , best purchase in a long time !
Now I actually wish he grass grew faster lol , and around here it's a year round
deal !

Spud said...

For years my wife actually told me to buy a riding mower, but always I was too cheap...
Needless to say, after the bitch in the car hit me and broke half the bones in my
body . Decided it was time for a rider. Boy am I glad , best purchase in a long time !
Now I actually wish he grass grew faster lol , and around here it's a year round
deal !

pigpen51 said...

At the ripe old age of 56, I just bought the first pick up truck of my life. I won't tell what kind, to avoid the flame wars. Just say it is a 4 wheel drive cab and a half. It is old, like me, but in decent shape. I knew it had to have some exhaust work done, and I also knew it didn't have air conditioning. She is not happy with me. Says she will never ride in it. I paid less than 3k for it. I won't tell her that I can live with her not riding in the thing. It is MY truck, not hers.

Phil said...

I know exactly what you are saying. Mine has only been in my El Camino twice I think in the last four years.
There has to be no other options available for that to happen.

BTW, for everyone who gets an Email blast about comment replies around here, the kid actually mowed the lawn today.

Anonymous said...

I get you on the battery charger stuff, but some of it IS pretty good. My brother bought a pole saw that is awesome as hell for where we need it, which is miles from any electricity lines. Well worth it - turns a half day of bow saw work to about an hour, including time to haul the stuff away which is actually more work. Battery works for about 3 hours straight before needing a recharge, which coincidentally pretty much tells us time to knock off and set it for next time.

Tony Tsquared said...

I upgraded my 2-stroke Ryobi that was giving me trouble with the 4-stroke last year. I am also going the extra bit and making sure I am running only gasoline. It has been great so far.

I had to replace my carb on my JD lawnmower half way through last season - I have never seen a lawn mower carb as eroded as that one. The mechanic told me he has seen a few like that and attributed it to the alcohol mix picking up water??? I found a gas station that sells 100% gasoline after that.

I hate yard work...

Anonymous said...

IT IS THE ACETONE when they make ethemnol they include acetone to blend it with the gas mixture

alcohol and acetone strip metals and plastics very well


Navyvet said...

I wont buy shit that is battery operated. The battery will last about 2 years and then, like you say, a new battery costs more than a new device. I bought a different house about 2 years ago, the previous owner left a battery operated lawn mower with a spare battery. What a total POS. I'd throw the SOB away but the lawn is very small and I will be out of here in another year anyway.
BTW, never tell the wife how much it costs. $300.00 = on sale for 79.95. Of course you have to have some cash stashed far away to pull that off.

Dwan Seicheine said...

I've got a 4 stroke and it's fricking beautiful. It starts with just a gentle pull on the cord and away I go. I also made sure to buy the strap to carry it easier. GET THE STRAP!

I have a wide sling. The wider the sling the better the comfort. I don't need to bend or do ANYTHING except swing it gently.

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