Heh, you would think she knows me by now.
The yard maintenance has become an issue, the kid has more important things to do.
He has a job at a pizza joint as an assistant manager so they are yanking him around and making him put in a bunch of hours.
Gee, that sounds awful familiar, I had 41 hours in before I even pulled into the parking lot at work Friday.
So I mowed the lawn last weekend for the first time this year.
Thought I was gonna have a fucking heart attack before I was done.
I had to stop several times and take a break to catch my wind, I ain't no Spring chicken anymore.
It was definitely Leg Day that day.
I told her after I came in and collapsed that if it was going to be left up to me to do that shit that there was a fucking riding lawnmower in our future.
Oh Hell no she says, the lawn isn't big enough, we don't have anyplace to put it and on and on and on.
While I was at it, I told her that the lawn needed edging on one side and that it was highlighted in our rental lease that we keep up on that shit.
I also made sure and mentioned that I wanted a new Weed Eater.
The POS I bought at Harbor Freight was exactly that, a Piece Of Shit.
You cant buy replacement spools for the fucking thing ANYWHERE. especially Harbor Fucking Freight.
That was the FIRST place I looked.
I tried buying some whiz bang "Universal" type gizmo for it and there weren't no love there either.
The fucking thing has a 3/16's shaft with LEFT HAND THREADS on it and nothing comes even close.
So earlier today I happened to notice that there was an extremely rare over abundance of money in my bank account.
After checking to make sure there wasn't a bunch of fucking bills to pay and it was absolutely gorgeous outside, I told her I was going up and getting a new Weed Eater.
I somehow neglected to mention that I wasn't fucking around this time either.
I get in the Sprite and fired that little bitch up and off to Home Depot we go.
I have to say they had quite the impressive selection of Weed Whackers at that place, Holy Fuck.
Electric, battery powered, gas engines, two stroke and something I had never seen before.
A four stroke weed eater that has detachable heads for different jobs.
It wasn't cheap.
The Edger attachment was another $90.
I looked around some more.
Fuck the electric ones, I absolutely DETEST dragging extension cords around.
The battery powered ones had my attention for about two nanoseconds too after I looked a little closer.
Yet another battery charger to fuck with and I didn't even bother to look at what they wanted for an extra 40 volt Lithium battery.
You could buy a damn weed eater for that much I'm sure.
I wanted a gas powered motherfucker, I was pretty much set on that.
Two strokes on the other hand, also have their own issues and dollars to donuts the kid would get his grubby little mitts on it when I wasn't looking and put straight gas in the fucker.
Seized up two strokes don't even make good boat anchors and are worth about a nickel.
Fuck it I says as I snagged the Ryobi.
Double Fuck it I says as I snagged the fucking edger attachment too.
If I'm going to have to be the one to do this fucking shit then I am damn well going to get what the fuck I want to make it easier.
Damn near $300 by the time you add some extra string and a little gas can. Plus tax, of course.
Even my butthole puckered up at that.
Fuck it anyways.
I threw that shit in the Sprite, stopped and got some gas and came home to put it all together.First was to put the oil in the tiny little crankcase.
It wasn't too bad to put everything together and the damn thing started on the second pull!
I let it idle for about twenty seconds, put the edger thingy on it, went out front and fired that little bitch up.
Full throttle and the shit started flying!
Damn thing worked like a charm.
I got the edging done after I finally found the edge of the sidewalk and then put the weed eater on it and went to town.
After a bit I came in to eat and by way of small talk I mentioned how nice the thing worked.
That's when she asked me how much it cost.
It may be a while before she cools off this time I think.
She has only ever said what she said to me one other time, another instance of getting something I wanted without giving a fuck what it cost a few years ago.
"Don't you ever do that again".
Those are, I'm so fucking mad right now I don't know what to say at the moment but you are in deep shit now you little sonofabitch kind of words.
You will pay for your insolence at a later date of my choosing and you will pay big kinda mad.
The lawn looks nice though, even if I have to say so myself.
Heh Heh Hehhhh.
That reminds me,
I wonder if there are any decent riding mowers on Craigslist around here..........
Saturday, April 15, 2017
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