Sunday, November 20, 2016

They Must Be Ice Skating In Hell Today

Because I actually had to go inside one of these today.

Oh no no no no, not for me mind you, for my Sister In Law.

This is the second time I have had to go down there and haul some shit she wanted from that place but this time the crap was fucking heavy so I had to go in that hive of yuppie scum and hipster douchebags and help her get it on the cart and then into my rig.
Then it was the forty mile round trip to her place to haul it upstairs.
Well, she got it. Some kind of massive damned entertainment center that is six feet long.

I have put that kind of shit together and I can honestly say that I don't care for it. It will give her something to do and her and her kid can get it slid into place once it's together, hopefully.

Metric fucking screws with Allen heads made out of Pot Metal. They strip out if you just look at them sideways.
God forbid you ever use a fucking cordless drill on that shit.
You will be down at the hardware store before you can say God dammit.
Most of that crap even says right in the directions not to use power tools putting them together.
Instead, they oh so thoughtfully give you some childs toy of a short handled Allen Wrench to do it with.
Not only are the fasteners made out of butter, everything is made out of pressboard.
You know, sawdust and glue, poured into a mold and then pressed to a fare thee well.
That shit chips out if you cough on it, let alone try to move some heavy assed contraption bolted together with tinker toy parts.

My wife buys that kind of furniture too and it drives me nuts.

It's modern and all that shit.

Fuck that.
I want real furniture. Shit that was made with real, solid wood by people who knew what the fuck they were doing and was made to last generations.
I don't give a rats ass if it is "trendy".

My favorite kind of furniture is Mission Style or Craftsman style.

Those pieces were made to be functional and are of an aesthetically pleasing design.
They are also heavy but that is because they are made out of solid wood and it ain't spindly from the get go.

You want an entertainment center?

is an entertainment center.

It will involve spending enough money to buy a cheap used car and also require three full grown men and a boy to move and install it.

You get that sucker where you want it on the first shot because it is fucking staying there.

This is just my personal opinion of course, everybody has their own idea of style.
Mine just involves a more practical flavor.


Anonymous said...

last time put together IKEA cabinets broke out the real screws, nails and elmers wood glue after a few hours of frustration

as for their kitchen fawcets instructions in six different languages not one set in English!

IKEA brands are made of cheap materials overpriced!


drjim said...

I've bought my share of Ikea crap, and I don't care much for it, either.

Pot metal cam-loc fasteners that snap, nails that are just a bit too short, and all the rest that goes with it.

The only things I've bought that I thought were fairly well made (real wood, not the glue and sawdust shit) were some CD/DVD storage shelves, and the book cases I have here in the radio room.

Oh, and a coffee table I had over at my old apartment and kept when I moved in here with the soon-to-be-wife seven years ago.

Sixbears said...

Truly hate pressed wood furniture. Before long the screws and bolts pull though. Heaven help you if it should happen to get wet.

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