Sunday, August 31, 2014

Breaking News!

In a stunning discovery earlier today, it was revealed that Philip Paul can, in fact, perform certain menial tasks without direct and constant supervision.

The entire scientific world is in an uproar over the news.

When a reporter contacted the learned Professor Albert Einstein for his opinion he seemed at first confused.
After a moments consideration he simply said "Bullshit, that's impossible".

When pressed for more, he puffed on his pipe contemplatively for a moment, slammed a double shot of Brandy in one gulp and exclaimed, "Look, I know this guy, he makes Barney Fife look like me!".

He declined further comment, explaining that he had urgent business with the SPCA.
His neighbor,one Dr. Schroedinger, has been allegedly locking his cat in a box for extended periods and no one had seen it in quite some time so he was concerned for it's welfare.

Officials are currently looking for witnesses but are having difficulty with people believing them when asked if the news was true.

Phrases like, "That's a knee slapper" and "Who are you trying to bullshit?" were the most common reaction.

News crews have been dispatched on a 24/7 schedule to try and document this alleged miracle but Mr. Paul has barricaded himself in what he is calling his "Man Cave" and refuses to make any statement or appearance.

All we can say for certain is that there has been a continuous metallic pounding noise that has been emanating from the area ever since.

Officials are urging that citizens use caution when approaching the area as there have been unsubstantiated rumors that Mr. Paul may be heavily armed with an entire arsenal of garden tools and subject to prolonged fits of incoherent muttering.

Film at eleven.

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