Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Some Good News Finally

My daughters car finally passed it's emissions test.

What a colossal pain in the ass that thing has been.

First it was the front oxygen sensor.
Then it was the downstream oxygen sensor behind the catalytic converter.

Then the check engine light came on again and this time it said the catalytic converter wasn't operating "efficiently" enough.

That one really pissed me off.

Of course when I was dicking around with the fucking thing it was dark and raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

I took the little fucker out and hot rodded the shit out of it trying to make sure the converter got hot enough to "light off".

They have to get to a certain temperature and then they get so hot they actually do light off inside and start burning any deposits and such inside.

I have seen cars driving at night with plugged up converters that look like they have neon lights on underneath they get so hot.

I didn't really want to go fast, like I said, it was pouring rain, but I did want to work that engine hard.

There is a really long and really steep hill nearby.

The trick is that it is usually a very busy road with lots of accompanying police watching for future revenue sources.

I had my scanner hooked up to it and waited until the coast was clear, came to a dead stop in the road at the bottom of the hill, put the fucker in low gear and slammed the hammer down.

It's a racy little fucker, I'll give it that.

Even though I had it locked into manual low, at about forty miles an hour and a gazillion RPM's, the fucker upshifted into second gear just before I quite crested the top.

The front tires actually broke loose and the whore slut bitch got all kinds of squirrelly.

It's a good thing no one was nearby.

After I thrashed on the sonofabitch a few more times I brought it home and checked for codes again.

This time it had a code pending, the light wasn't on yet, for the evaporative solenoid circuit.

I'm on to this horseshit right here.

I don't know how many people have had this happen to them but some clever bastard who designed the electronic codes put this in there as a gift to the automotive repair industry.

This particular code can mean two very different things.

One, the solenoid to the carbon cannister is bad or two, the much more common culprit.

The fucking gas cap isn't tight.

How many people have had to pay a dealer a hundred bucks because the check engine light is on and they don't have a clue, they panic, go to a dealer, the mechanic scans for codes, sees this one and opens the little door and tightens the gas cap.

So after I tightened that up, I went on another thrash run.

No light, no codes.
I tell her to take it to get tested BUT, if that fucking light comes on, call me.

The place ain't open on Monday so last night, bigger than shit, I get a text message.

The light is on again.

Bring it over today.

Again with the code for the evap solenoid.

I asked her if she stopped and got gas.

Tighten the cap, erase the code, kiss her on the head and send her on her way.

Twenty minutes later, I get another text.

It passed.

Fuck you, ya miserable fucking bastards.


She will be getting a new gas cap shortly but I can cross that miserable sonofabitch off my list.



  1. Yay well now you don't have to put it out of it's misery.

  2. How about those new Fords without a real gas cap? They still fail, setting of the *&^*(^&%$% check engine light. It's a dealer repair.

  3. We've got hit with that gas cap tight too, couldn't believe it makes a diff but ot the 'Ghost In The Machine', it does. I'm a dinosaur, I remember cars that used stuffed T-shirts in the gas port (now where's my lighter ? :^) and they ran all over the place.


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