Thursday, August 15, 2013

Are You Fucking Serious?



Jesus H. Christ on crutches what happened to the men in this country?


Hey fellas, we know we expect a lot from you when it comes to style. Whether we're complaining about the wrinkles in your button-down or the awkward fit of your shorts, we hope you interpret our "nagging" as care. But we have yet another bone to pick with you: eyebrow grooming.

No, it's nagging and it's nagging of the worst fucking kind.
I'm not your fucking Ken Doll bitch.


Your eyebrows are one of the first things we notice, besides that amazing smile, of course. As MAC Cosmetics Director of Makeup Artistry Romero Jennings said it best: "Brows are really personal. Brows really give you expression. Brows can make you look strong or weak or powerful or not. A brow will give you approachability. If it's too strong or severe, someone will pass you by."

Keep walking you poofer.
If you think we want you to go all Justin Theroux with your brows, you've got the wrong idea. To help your brows look their best and reflect your personality, we asked Jennings for a guide to men's eyebrow grooming.

Justin Who? Am I supposed to know who this pud whacker is?

Do I care?

No.

Do get recommendations for a groomer. The most important thing is to ask a guy with really great brows for a reference on where to go, not a woman. "In many cases, I feel like a guy is going to a place that his girl goes because it's now acceptable to go and get a pedicure," said Jennings. "Then someone says, 'Hey, let me do your brows. Let me arch them!' I think it's great, but at the same time they kill it when these guys have these amazing thick brows and all they may need is a little bit of a clean up."
Oh, now I'm a fucking dog and need a "Groomer" huh.

Take a big suck right outta my ass.
Lemme tell you shallow fucking twats something.
I DON'T CARE.

Yes, I have a Uni Brow, yes, I have hairs growing on my nose, NO, I don't give a rusty FUCK about it either.

I had to stop reading that piece of shit article, it was much.much longer but I got the gist of it already.

Why in the fuck a real guy would want to look more effeminate is beyond my comprehension.

I suddenly have an overpowering urge to scratch my nuts and spit on the floor.



I feel pretty, oh so pretty.......


4 comments:

  1. I admit it. I broke down and let the wife clip off the brow hair that was growing crazy outward in tentacle like formations. It was that or I wasn't gettin' any anymore.
    At least my shame was for a manly reason...nose hair, not so much.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Darn wild eyebrow hairs poke me in the eye. When that happens I either saw them down a bit or pull them with a pair of pliers. You can call that "grooming" if you like.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Me have wild unibrow hair, unga bunga, me pull out with fingers. Me pull nose hairs with fingers too. Hurts when dragged knuckles have scabs. Now me go clean crud from fingernails with pointy stick so can chew them short and no get grit in teeth...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Your commentary had me laughing my ass off on an otherwise shitty day. Thanks Busted.

    ReplyDelete

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