Not Now, Not Ever

Not Now, Not Ever

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Closer To Thee My Lord

It may get a little quiet around here for a day or so.
My Grandmother passed away last night while I was holding her hand.

Her name was Rosella, Rose for short.


She was 101 so it wasn't a big surprise that she finally went but it progressed pretty quickly when she decided it was time. . My Aunt called me about 4 in the afternoon and said Grandma hadn't eaten or drank anything in about 36 hours and she thought the time had come. She left us at 9:40 .

She was more of a second Mother to me than a Grandmother, I grew up in a broken home and had a pretty fucked up child hood, at fifteen I ran away from home and lived with my Mom's parents until that Grandmother died and then shortly afterwards moved in with my Dads Mom.

I had dropped out of school and she is the reason I went back and finally graduated.
She also kept me alive when I was broke and starving down in California, sending me Care Packages .
You would be amazed at what you can cram into a shoe box.

I gave the poor woman a nervous breakdown at least once worrying about my stupid ass. I was a crazy bastard when I was young, just plain wild. She was a proper Christian Lady who went to Catholic church every Sunday for longer than I have been alive.
Let me tell ya, Jewish Mothers have nothing on a properly trained Catholic woman when it comes to laying guilt trips on ya and my Grandmother was the one they made the mold from.

The sweetest and nicest woman you would have ever met in your life though, I can say that with all honesty because that is what other people have told me about her my whole life, may she finally rest in peace.

Because I lost my phone last week I have to got to my Mom's tomorrow, she still has my Dad's cell phone. She is going to charge it up and then I can get all the phone numbers for all the people I need to get a hold of.
Right now I don't even have my own kids's numbers but I will get those from my wife tomorrow too.

The service is going to be in the town I grew up in and she will be buried next to her husband who died in 1973.
That Grandfather, my real Mother, her Mother, and a bunch of people I grew up with are all in the same cemetery down there.

I don't know why I am blabbing about all this on a very public Blog to people all over the world who I will never meet but I am kind of out of sorts here at the moment.
It hasn't completely soaked in yet and it feels like I should be doing something yet there isn't anything I can do at the moment. Sitting here staring at this computer like a zombie was getting on my nerves and I can't concentrate enough right now to do anything long enough to take my mind off it.
I tried playing my favorite game but after a few minutes I got tunnel vision and caught myself staring off into space.

Sometimes I write on this blog just to sort things out in my own mind and more than once I have hit that Publish button when I should have just deleted what I had written instead.

This may well be another one of those times but right now I need an outlet and here it is.

Please excuse my ramblings, if you don't see much going on around here for a day or so, you will know why.

I think I am going to start the grieving process here shortly.

21 comments :

  1. My sincere condolences Phil.

    She sounds like an amazing woman and made it to 101!

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  2. ...Prayers for You and Yours Brother...I'm sure Heaven's a brighter Place for Her being There, take all the time ya need, we'll be here for ya...

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  3. My family's thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

    Grannys sure can be great.

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  4. Deepest sympathy's partner,we all face it but it's never easy. It doesn't help when the grief is fresh,but time does heal. Then all the good memories take over. God's blessings on you and yours.

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  5. Hopefully we take time to be greatful of our time shared and reflect on the time given. To go forward with the examples set forth for us, and be the best we can be. She was loved by all her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

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  6. Condolences Phil. 101 is a very good #!

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  7. Phil, I am very sorry for your loss. She was an awesome woman. You wrote a fitting tribute. You are a great guy.

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  8. My Regrets, Phil. She had a long life and a good life.

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  9. Sorry for your loss Phil, hang in there and remember her as the awesome woman she was.

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  10. My condolences to you, Phil. Sounds like one great lady................

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  11. Well, at least she made it to 101. One of my cousins died Saturday at the age of 52. She was only a year older than me :(. That diabetes is a real b*tch, she had juvenile diabetes from a young age and didn't take care of herself, and everything started failing at once. So anyhow, sorry to hear your grandmother died, I know how that feels. At least she had a long and fruitful life.

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  12. My sincere condolences Phil. The internet is said to file everything forever. You wrote how you felt about her and it should be forever remembered.

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  13. thanx for sharing her with us. her memory is already precious to me. so i share your loss, and i know she is always part of who u are. condolences and shalom blessings 2 u.

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  14. My mother is dying now and Im experiencing first hand what you went through. We only have one mom and dad, and hopefully a few grandparents from each side. Its a joy to.spend those last months and weeks together remembering old times and funny hijinks. Its a blessing you had such a great relationship.with her, I hope you all get to have that great reunion in the sky one day. In the end all we have are our memories and our relationships, what a joy it will be when we can continue those relationshops in heaven.

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  15. oh busted honey i'm so sorry (((busted and family)))

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  16. My condolences man, losing the ones we love is the hardest thing we go through in Life. The lady sounds a lot of my Mom but Mom is the Latin Catholic version - Man, can they talk and squawk! :^) She is 78 now and still able to get around, but I see the writing on the wall - we all have to go sometime.

    Again - my condolences.

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