Friday, June 6, 2014

I'm Suffering From Estrogen Poisoning Tonight

Fuck me.
I come home from busting my homesick ass all day to find my wife and two of her damn neices sitting here in the dark with the Tee Vee blasting watching horror flicks.

Oh, yay....

Even my headphones can't compete.
The worst part is that I can't even escape out to the garage to work on my car or something because of that fucking feral Mommy cat from Hell and her evil spawn out there.

Trust me, I ain't afraid of a cat but I'm not stupid either.

The little Hellion has already drawn blood on a couple of unwary fools out there trying to snag one of her kittens.

The moron boy went out and started climbing over welders and shit trying to get underneath my air compressor way back in the corner and Momma kitty was just waiting for his dumb ass.

He stuck his face down there to get a better look and got clawed across the cheek for his trouble.

Then the wife went out there after I caught her red handed moving the little fuckers over to the other side of the garage to hide them underneath a generator I have sitting next to the dryer with a cover over it and got whacked across the ankle about four times before she even knew what the fuck was happening.

Me and Momma kitty have a sort of understanding though.
Kind of a mutual destruction kind of thing I'd have to say.

I don't fuck with her kittens and she doesn't cause me to leak blood anywhere.
In turn I don't wring her fucking neck with my bare hands.
Fair deal I'd say.

She even tolerates me somewhat when I go out there to have a smoke. She will come out when I shake the Scooby Snack package and drop a few on the floor. I make damn sure not to get within ten feet of those kittens though.

She is quite the little berzerker.

Hisses and spits when I try to get to the food bowl to fill it up with fresh water and food but stops short of the all out attack she would go after for just about anyone else.

So between the damn women and their horror movies and that fucking cat, I am kind of outnumbered and stuck. There ain't much to do at One in the morning.

One thing I need to do is go get a very good set of headphones.
These cheap bastards ain't cutting it.

Pretty soon here in a couple weeks me and Momma kitty are going to have a caged death match though.
The wife insists on getting the sonofabitch spayed and guess who got volunteered to try and snatch the cat long enough to stuff it in a box?

Yours truly of course. This could be interesting.

I'll be digging out the welding gloves for this little fiasco, trust me.
I'll also make sure to have plenty of triple anti biotic ointment and a shit load of bandages handy.

8 comments:

  1. Good luck guy! Myself, I am partial to un-neutered toms. I like their attitude. Plus they want to be out all the time and will come in and accept treats and then leave. The estrogen bearing critters can get spayed.

    As an aside, my anti-malware software shows publicintelligence.net as a malicious software site. I went in and looked and it seems to be real, you may want to run a malware sweep on your computer. Shoot me an e-mail if you need any more info.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! That has been bugging me since the other day when someone left a comment.

      What anti malware are you using?
      I got zero warnings from mine and a scan showed nothing either.
      I got rid of it off the blog roll.

      I had no idea you still swung by and read my stuff and I still owe you a couple of drinks!

      Delete
  2. Be very careful as a friend spent 3 days in the hospital in December and weeks in rehab to keep his finger functioning after a cat bite. They are nasty creatures.

    ReplyDelete
  3. When you capture the berzeker, you should also wear a welding jacket, a face shield and a hard hat, to minimize the open skin exposure. Good luck. ;)

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  4. Yes. Face shield. Many years ago, there was this cat that started rubbing up against my leg all friendly. I petted it and then picked it... when it decided to latch onto my face And would not let go. I had no choice but to just rip it off. As I did so, it pissed me off so bad, I flung it as hard as I could through the air from the 2nd floor entrance balcony. And sure as shit, it land on it feet, with a little skid, and sauntered off laughing.

    About 3 months later, started my car to go to work and heard this meeeeeeoooowoooowowowwmwoooo... at first I thought, "Damn. That's a loose belt!" Then I saw fur flying everywhere from under my car.

    Opened my hood... yep. That's him. What was left of him.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Bose Quiet Comfort II headphones work pretty well at damping noise even if you're not listening to anything i.e., noise canceling headphones. They aren't cheap but they work quite well, and excellent acoustics when you are listening to something. They completely enclose the area around your ears, which is important to keep external sounds out.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anti Freeze - a nice plate of Anti Freeze for the little murderess.

    ReplyDelete
  7. A few years ago, my then-gf decided to bathe one of our outside cats--one that'd rarely even been inside, hated water, & sure as hell had never seen a bathtub. I suggested gloves, figuring she'd grab some my heavy-duty work gloves. Shortly thereafter, a hissing, boiling little ball of orange rocketed up my hall & out the (luckily open; they often are in nice weather) door. Woman followed, more slowly, wearing the remnants of something like Playtex dishwashing gloves, about twice the thickness, as I figure it, of the average condom, liberally adorned with blood. Yes, I doctored her up, but I laughed before, while, & after doing so.
    --Tennessee Budd

    ReplyDelete

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