Thursday, March 13, 2014

The Divorce Settlement

Pure genius.





On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates
and suitcases.

On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful
dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background
music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle
of spring-water.

When he'd finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a
few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the
curtain rods.

He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at
first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to
set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a
few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool
carpeting. Nothing worked! People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they
had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in
half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return
their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow
a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then the ex-husband called the woman and asked how things were going. She told
him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that
he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his
divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was, she agreed
on a price that was only 1/10 nth of what the house had been worth ...
but only if he would sign the papers that very day.

He agreed, and within two hours her lawyers delivered the completed
paperwork.

A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched
the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ... and
just to spite the ex-husband, they even took the curtain rods !!!


I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?!

2 comments:

  1. BURN!!!!!
    I have never understood spitefulness. I have never understood wives trying to financially destroy ex-husbands. I have never understood alimony. You aren't a child, the relationship is over, move on. On behalf of the childish, spiteful bitches who have hurt and ruined men, I'm so sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Buddy of mine once called and asked if I wanted to buy his handgun collection. He had half dozen quality guns. I asked how much. $25, he said. He was getting a divorce and his wife said to sell the guns and they'd split the money.

    ReplyDelete

Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, some peoples stink more than others too. Remember, I can make your opinion disappear, you keep the stink.

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