Saturday, February 22, 2014

Caturday V2.0 Damn Cats Edition

I dunno WTF has gotten into my cat Baby lately but she is looking to get some fucking flying lessons again here real quick.

About a week ago the clingy brain damaged little shit decided that my laptop keyboard looked like a good place to start taking naps on while Daddy is out having a smoke.

( A remarkable resemblance, looks almost exactly like her)

I usually set the damn thing down on the floor, still open, when I go have a smoke because of all the damn wires and shit hooked to it and it goes to sleep when I shut the lid.

Last week I came back in to sit down and the little shit is laying on the keyboard and rubbing her chin all over the edge of the monitor.
Happy as a clam at high tide.

I shooed her off and picked it up.

Sure as shit, there were about 200 new Firefox windows opened up.
The entire screen was a cascade of open tiles.

It took me a while to clean that up.

She has done this a few times now, it just started out of the blue.
Just completely fucks things up.

I thought I got smart and would set it down with the mouse inside and close the lid so she couldn't get to the damn keyboard.

I would still catch her rubbing her chin all over it, she gets into it so much she starts drooling.


Sick bitch.

So today I set it down again without thinking, right in the middle of a Blog post.


I come back and this thing is so fucked up I had to restart it.
The blog post screen was one long string of characters and locked clear the hell up.

Then I can't get online.
It took me twenty minutes to figure out she somehow managed to turn the wireless off.
The little icon was good but nothing would connect.
It said it was connected to an unknown WIFI but wouldn't let me connect to the house WIFI.

She is one stubborn cat, has been since she was tiny.
I started to walk away and she went right to it to start her little game. I stopped and told her NO!

She looked all butt hurt and sat there for at least three whole seconds before she starts in again.
I yelled NO again and got the same results.

My wife hates it but I trained this fucking cat years ago the hard way.

She would get into the garbage and up on the counters all the time.
Used to piss me clear off.

It didn't matter what I did, she would just do it again.

Until I started throwing my hat at her, Goldfinger style.

Grab it by the bill and spin it while throwing. It takes a while but I got good at it.

I have drilled the little bitch from across the room from my recliner while she is at a dead run before. A little lead time and calculate the curve because it is spinning.

It doesn't hurt the cat,just scares 'em.

Like I said, she is stubborn so this took repeating.

About fifty times.

Now she is deathly afraid of the thing.


All I have to do now is reach my hand to my forehead, hat on or not, and she is outta here looking for cover.

Tell me you can't train a fucking cat.

Next time she goes to fuck with my lap top and I see her, I will tell her NO one more time. then the hat is coming off.


  1. I've got one of those. Every time I turn around she's sitting or laying on my notebook. Even when it's closed. I think the heat from the battery draws them.


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